Pocketful of Sunshine
by The Pig Lady
Summary: Oneshot. A chance meeting with someone Harry cares very deeply for has him questioning his marriage to Ginny.


**Disclaimer: If you recognize something, it's not mine.**

_A/N: I am a hardcore Harry/Luna fan, so as a second disclaimer, I'm telling you right now not to read this if you are a worshipper of Harry/Ginny, or Harry/Hermione, or Harry/anyone. You've been warned._

Christmas was always the busiest time of the year for the Potter family. Ginny preoccupied herself with preparations for her annual Christmas Eve dinner, inviting the Weasleys, Neville Longbottom and his wife Hannah, Andromeda Tonks and Teddy Lupin, some surviving Order members, and a few of her closest coworkers at the Daily Prophet; Harry was swamped with work at the Auror office, of which he was Head; James and Al (twelve and eleven respectively) returned home on the Hogwarts Express; and Harry was due for an annual visit to Hogwarts to pay his respects to the tomb of Albus Dumbledore, which he'd visited on one occasion every year since the war, usually during the holiday season.

On this day, however, he was sitting in his leather armchair in the living room of Grimmauld Place, clutching a glass of firewhiskey in his hand as Ginny paraded around the room, lugging boxes up from the basement so as to decorate the tree that he had picked up from a Muggle lot two days before. His daughter, Lily, followed her mother around like an obedient puppy, while James and Al took to untangling a strand of lights that would be strung on the railing of the stairway.

"Are you going to help, Harry?" Ginny asked, somewhat annoyed by her husband's relaxed attitude. "I could really use your help."

"Yeah, Daddy, help!" Lily demanded. "You can put the star on the Christmas tree, like you always do." She put on the sad puppy dog face, which she had no doubt learned from her mother. He took another drink from his glass and set it down on the table, standing up.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I'm just not up to it tonight." He left the room, his wife and children's gazes following him. James turned to his mother.

"What's wrong with Dad?" he asked. She felt her sad eyes moving away from the door her husband had just to left through to her sons, who sat on the floor gazing up at her expectantly.

"I don't know, James. I really don't know."

* * *

Only Harry knew what was bothering him, yet he wasn't about to tell anyone, not even Ron and Hermione, who'd noticed the change in him as well. He knew that they blamed it on work (just a few nights before, he'd heard Ron saying to his sister, "It's a stressful time of year for him, Gin. Just give him some space. He'll be fine in a week or two"), yet they were incredibly far off base.

He pulled his brief case off the top shelf of the closet he and his wife shared, unlocking the secret compartment on the cover and pulling out a stack of letters he'd kept hidden there since the year he and Ginny had gotten married.

_Dear Harry – Heard about yours and Ginny's wedding. Congratulations. So sorry I couldn't make it – I was off in Bulgaria, hunting for Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. I met some fellow naturalists there, including one that I really hit it off with. Still, he's nothing like you, Harry. Love, Luna._

Then, there was the letter he'd gotten right after Ginny had given birth to Lily:

_Harry – So happy to hear about your daughter's birth. I'm honored you that she was christened "Lily Luna" . . . it brought tears to my eyes. Make sure to pass my congratulations on to Ron and __Hermione as well – I hear they just welcomed a son! Hope this letter finds you and your family well. Thinking of you and missing you – Luna._

Then, there was the letter he'd only just received in the mail a few weeks before. This was the letter that had given cause to all of his present woes.

_Harry – Wrote to inform you that Rolf and I are expecting. I'm so incredibly happy, Harry . . . still, it's not quite the occasion I expected. It's not that I can't handle the morning sickness and everything; it's just more of having to give up the one thing I really love to begin a family. Surely you know what I'm talking about, Harry? I've never forgotten our exchange that morning after the Battle of Hogwarts. Even though we can't be together, it's nice to think back to a time where we came incredibly close. Eternally yours, Luna._

Just reading it again gave way to a sickening sensation in the pit of Harry's stomach. Luna had always been the one person who really and truly understood him; the one person he'd let in during his fifth year, when he couldn't allow his friends close enough; the person who had cared enough about him to paint his face on the wall of her bedroom. Now, she was truly moving on – beginning her own family, erasing a certain part of her that he'd once been blessed enough to fill. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd talked to her face-to-face. Maybe it was during that very exchange the day after the Battle of Hogwarts, when he'd told her how he felt about her, but how he couldn't be with her because Ginny needed him.

He'd gotten married to Ginny, despite the fact that it was Luna's face he'd always pictured underneath the veil. It had always been Luna.

* * *

The next morning, he woke up early. He couldn't even remember sinking into bed, or when Ginny sunk in next to him. She mustn't have been asleep, however, because as he rose from their bed, she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her lips.

"Where are you going?" she asked quietly.

"I have to take care of something today," he mumbled, kissing her forehead. She sat up, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"All day?" she asked. "Hermione and Ron were bringing the kids over to help set up for the party." Harry eyed her curiously.

"Party?" he asked.

"The Christmas Eve dinner," she explained. "Surely, you didn't forget that today is Christmas Eve." He smiled and shook his head.

"No." He stood up, leaving her sitting there with an expression on her face that left something to be desired. "No, I didn't forget. It took me a second to realize what you were talking about. No, I'll be back in time for the party. I promise." She leaned back against the headboard and pulled the covers up to her chin, watching as he got dressed.

"Harry," she called out as he prepared to leave. "Why can't you tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," he insisted, moving away from the door to kiss his wife again. "I just have to take care of something." Her expression was one of disbelief.

"I'm not the only one who's noticed something going on with you," she explained. "So have Ron and Hermione. The kids have, too. They're concerned about their father. They miss you, Harry. The boys are gone all year, so when they come home, they expect to spend time with you. But you've been distant." She looked away, blushing. "And it's not just them. I miss you, too."

"I haven't gone anywhere, love," he insisted. "I'll be back this evening." He pressed his lips to hers, but pulled away. There were no fireworks. He bowed his head, sorely disappointed, and moved to the door. When Ginny called out to him this time, he didn't stop.

* * *

The Hogwarts grounds were empty when he arrived. Hagrid had met him at the gates to let him in, and although Harry was longing to have a long conversation with his old friend, he didn't feel as though he could stop. As he made his way across the sloping lawn towards the white tomb of Albus Dumbledore, he stopped to observe a couple that looked to be in their fifth year standing near the lake, building a snowman. The girl was laughing, and the boy was embracing her. For some reason, his mind was drawn back to Luna, although they'd never done such a thing.

Dumbledore's tomb was still in perfect condition. He could hardly believe that nineteen years had passed since the end of the Second War. As he silently paid his respects, his eyes couldn't help but drift to the many sights of Hogwarts that he'd forgotten since his own days there: the Whomping Willow, where Sirius had invited him to come live with him in his third year; the Quidditch pitch; Hagrid's hut; the tower where he and Hermione had sent Norbert the dragon off to Charlie Weasley; the clearing where he'd found Luna in the middle of his fifth year, without shoes, feeding the Thestrals. He smiled at the memory of her and those ridiculous radish earrings she always used to wear.

"Harry?" He spun around. Luna Lovegood, as though by some strange fate, stood there, but it was not the Luna Lovegood that he remembered.

Her hair was still its unusual shade of blonde, yet it didn't have the same luster he remembered; her gray eyes were lifeless and cold. The only thing that hadn't change was her smile, and as she gazed at him, he had the urge to run at her and kiss her as hard as possible. Still, he didn't think this was a very good idea, especially on the front lawn of a school inhabited by dozens of people who knew that he was married to Ginny Weasley.

"Luna," he mumbled, walking towards her and embracing her in a manner befitting that of a friend. "It's so good to see you." She pulled away, and for the first time, he noticed the curve of her stomach, significant to a woman in the early months of her pregnancy. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Splendid, actually." She continued smiling at him. "Did you get my letter?" He nodded.

"Congratulations," he said glumly.

"Thank you." She eyed Dumbledore's tomb. "Come to pay your respects?" He nodded, prompting another smile. "You're so silent, Harry."

"I'm just so happy to see you," he insisted. He leaned closer to her. "Do you think we can go somewhere and talk?" He looked down, embarrassed. "I have so much I need to say to you."

"I'm renting a room at The Three Broomsticks," she explained. "We can talk there, if you're up for a bit of a walk."

"I'm not the one who's pregnant," he said. She laughed.

"I enjoy the fresh air, Harry," she said. "And besides, I'm not _that_ pregnant."

The walk to The Three Broomsticks was a pleasant one. Harry was so happy to be in her presence again that he let her do most of the talking. She informed him that she was staying at The Three Broomsticks for the weekend while Rolf was on an expedition in the Forbidden Forest to find a settlement of Blibbering Humdingers. He made sure to provide the requisite information about Ginny and the children, but he kept quiet so as to hear as much as he could about her.

In her room, she offered him a glass of butterbeer before settling down in a chair by the fire. "You're barely talking," she observed. He leaned towards her.

"I've been thinking a lot about you lately," he admitted.

"Really? Perhaps the Nargles have infiltrated your mind." She snickered. "I've been thinking about you too, Harry."

"Have you?" he asked, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear as he caressed her cheek. "Have you really?" She nodded and allowed him to kiss her on the forehead, similar to how he'd kissed Ginny that very morning. "Luna . . ." He moved his lips down to her cheek.

"Yes, Harry?"

"I think we should go away together." She sat up straight.

"You think we should do what?"

"Go away together." She eyed him, bewildered, and he wondered to himself if he'd been smart in saying that. "I'm not . . . happy, Luna. I mean, I love my children, and Ginny is fantastic, but I . . . I don't feel the same way with her as I do with you. I love you, Luna." She shook her head and pulled herself out of her chair. He watched her as she paced the room.

"Harry, don't take this the wrong way, but I . . . well, she's one of my best friends, and I couldn't stand to . . . well, you know how I feel about you, only . . . for God's sakes, I'm pregnant!" she declared loudly. He leapt up.

"I know."

"My child deserves to be with its father, its real father! I mean, it's been years since I've seen you, Harry, and then today, after talking to you for twenty-five minutes, you come in here and ask me to go away with you, to run away from our families, our spouses, our friends!" She took a deep breath. "I mean, how would you be able to face Ron again, knowing that you abandoned his sister for Loony Lovegood?"

"Don't call yourself that . . ."

"And Hermione? And James, and Al, and Lily? How about Ginny, huh, the mother of your children? How would you ever be able to face her? And what about me? My father loves Rolf. I love Rolf. How would I be able to face him?"

"None of that matters."

"The one time I'll ever disagree with you, Harry, because this does matter." She sighed deeply and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh, Harry, I love you, I really do, but . . . it just doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do." He pressed his forehead against hers.

"Luna, I can't stand to be away from you." She smiled.

"I'll never really be gone, Harry," she insisted. "I'll always be here." She placed her hand over his heart. "But your children need you. Ginny needs you." She stifled a laugh. "Remember, that's why we couldn't be together in the first place. You wanted to be with Ginny when Fred died." He let her pull away from him. "I know you might not be so willing to admit it, Harry, but you really do love Ginny. So don't push her away because of the memory of me. Let her in. I remember telling you to do that with Ron and Hermione once before. Now do me a favor, and do the same thing with Ginny." She smiled and handed him his coat. "I'm sure your wife is wondering where you are."

"Can I stay a little longer?" he asked. "I'm not ready to leave you yet." She hesitated for a moment, but nodded.

"I could never turn you away, Harry Potter."

* * *

Harry took his time returning home, so much so that it was dark by the time he arrived back at Grimmauld Place. The lights were on inside the house, so he suspected that the party had already begun. His gaze lingered on the building for a moment. Sirius had passed this house on to him, with the intention of him using it as a home where he would settle with his family when he was old enough. He'd settled in that home with Ginny, his wife. They had three beautiful children together. They were his family, the four people that loved him more than anyone else in the world. It wasn't until that moment, looking up at that house, did he realize how unfair his going away with Luna would have been, and how it would have affected all of them. Harry Potter, the Boy Who Cheats? He didn't like it.

He opened the door, and was instantly greeted by a chorus of 'hellos.' He spotted Neville, to whom he offered a friendly wave. He couldn't help but observe that his wife, Hannah, was expecting, just like Luna. He spotted some of the elder Weasleys, including Arthur, Percy, Bill, and Fleur. He saw his nineteen-year-old godson, Teddy, kissing Victoire in the corner. The scene brought a smile to his face.

Then, he saw his daughter, Lily, running down the hall towards him. He bent down to embrace her. "Daddy, you're home!"

"Hello, Lily," he greeted warmly.

"Mummy was afraid you would miss the party," she explained in a hushed voice. He picked her up, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Well, I'm here now," he said. He spotted Ginny at the end of the hall, eyeing him happily. He went to her, kissing her passionately.

"Hello, love." A tear dripped down her cheek.

"Welcome back, Harry Potter. Welcome back." He set Lily down so he could embrace his wife, and then Hermione, who was standing there with Hugo practically attached to her leg. However, it was not before long that his attention was drawn back to his eight-year-old daughter, who was tugging on his pants.

"Daddy, Daddy," she exclaimed, "you still have to put the star on the Christmas tree." He cast a quick glance back at Ginny.

"Yes, well then . . . where is it? I'll do it right now."

* * *

_A/N: As much as I've always wanted Harry and Luna to be together, I recognize that he and Ginny are meant for one another. Be kind in your reviews, please. Hope you enjoyed. The Pig Lady_

* * *


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